Steve Irwin Facts

I once heard that a man came up to Steve to ask advice how to write a letter to a bully that was picking on his group of friends. After hours of talk, writing, and laughs, they finished. A couple months later that man came back to him and thanked him, the letter had worked. That man was Thomas Jefferson, and that letter was Declaration of Independence.

When King Kong goes trick-or-treating, the only costume he can wear convincingly is Steve Irwin..

Steve Irwin invented the nervous system just so people could feel pain.

The largest snake Steve Irwin ever tamed was his own dick.

Steve Irwin once dug to China just to get some fresh egg rolls. It only took him 37 minutes.

Steve Irwin knew the truth about the Moon Landings.

Steve Irwin ate nails for breakfast and ripped trees out of the ground for fun.

The 1999 sci-fi action film The Matrix was actually a metaphor for Steve Irwin.

Steve Irwin once went to a baseball game and ordered a hot dog–then accidentally consumed the Oscar Meyer® Weinermobile!! THE FUCKING WEINERMOBILE!!! ITS NOT EVEN MADE OF HOT DOG!!!!

Steve Irwin got mad about the animals dying from global warming. So he repaired the ozone layer…with his fucking DICK (this “fact” is currently under dispute).

Once, Steve Irwin climbed the EMPIRE FUCKING STATE BUILDING, and was swatting at fucking AIRPLANES just to protect the woman he loved. Oh wait, no that was King Kong. Steve Irwin was that guy who played with animals on TV. nevermind.

One time Steve Irwin was an entire baseball team and he was playing against the Yankees and when he walked out to the plate, his practice swing was so forceful that it made all the Yankees heads explode and they were forced to declare the win to STEVE IRWIN.

Steve Irwin shits lightning and cries thunder.

For breakfast Steve Irwin would eat a bowl of shreddies, an apple and a glass of orange juice. Well, I guess he was pretty average in that capacity.

Steve Irwin once made a crocodile sandwich with dried peppercorns, sun-dried sweet potato, and a chipotle mayo: Steve Irwin was a fantastic chef.

The Michigan Tribe of Chippewa Indians has a legend, The legend says that there was a Giant Crocodile basking in what was the area between Michigan and Wisconsin, However, Steve Irwin Rastled and Hogtied the croc in order to protect the Chippewa maiden Sacajawaya, the croc died, the space that remained is now lake Michigan and Tears from Steve Irwin’s Grief over the death of the croc filled it.

Steve Irwin’s death means the truth about the Kennedy assassination can now be revealed.

Steve Irwin raised millions of dollars for environmental conservation.

Steve Irwin’s movie “Crocodile Hunter-Collision Course” Grossed a record $843.00 its opening weekend. Not bad considering it was only on 1874 screens nationwide.

Steve Irwin once made an Elephant forget.

Every time you jerk-off, Steve Irwin kills a crocodile. Not because you jerked-off; that’s just how often he kills crocodiles.

Steve Irwin wasn’t born in the womb – he thought that was for pussies.

The best weapon in Halo 2 is Steve Irwin.

One time Steve Irwin was walking along the beach and found a genie. He gave the genie three wishes. The genie wished it was Steve Irwin. Three times.

Steve Irwin once mated with a crocodile and had a child. That child grew up to be Chuck Norris.

When Steve Irwin swims with sharks, the steel cage is not there to keep Steve Irwin safe from the sharks. It is there to keep the sharks safe from Steve Irwin.

After Crocodile Dundee pulled out a knife and said the famous line “That’s not a knife, this is a knife”, the only reason people were scared was because Steve Irwin was standing right behind him.

When Steve Irwin plays monopoly, he collects free parking no matter what square he lands on. When he draws the ‘Go Directly to Jail’ card, he just laughs and rips it up. No one questions him. No one.

Steve Irwin’s favorite drink is GATORade.

When Steve Irwin approached the Gates of Hades, he took the giant 3-headed dog, grabbed it, wrestled it to the ground, beat it into submission and hog tied it. Then, he let the pissed off dog go free and did it all again for fun. Thirty-Seven times.

If you don’t know who your real father is, it’s Steve Irwin.

Steve Irwin wrote Beowulf.

Aussie band Savage Garden will perform at Croc Hunters funeral. First choice was Sting but was decided inappropriate.

When Steve Irwin was a child, his friends were skipping stones out on the lake. Steve Irwin thought that game was stupid, so he picked up the biggest rock he could find and hurled it into the sky. That rock is now called The Moon.

Steve Irwin once got a blowjob from a crocodile. After that no woman was ever able to compare, no matter how toothy the BJ was.

Steve Irwin was killed when his heart was pierced by a deadly sting ray. The stingray was also killed when, in his final living action, Steve Irwin took revenge on the stingray by piercing its heart with his penis.

Steve Irwin and the Grizzly Man once double teamed a bear. Steve took the front and Grizzly took the back. They Eiffel towered the bear.

Tom Cruise believes in Steve Irwin.

Steve Irwin died as he lived, with animals firmly in his heart.

As a child, Steve Irwin played hungry hungry hippos… with real hippos.

One time, Steve Irwin went to the bar to play a game of pool. Upon arrival at the bar, he saw it wasn’t a real pool. There was no water, and definately no crocodiles. In his confusion and rage, he killed everyone including a crocodile. Which is impossible, until you remember this *IS* Steve Irwin.

Steve Irwin once rewrote the complete works of William Shakespeare with ink from a giant squid. When he was done writing he killed and ate the squid for breakfast.

During the 1992 Running of the Bulls in Pamplona, Spain Steve Irwin successfully stopped the bulls from running and replaced them with himself, accidentally killing two American tourist in his lone stampede.

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