Actual Label Instructions

Actual label instructions on consumer products: On a blanket from Taiwan –
NOT TO BE USED AS PROTECTION FROM A TORNADO.

On a helmet mounted mirror used by US cyclists –
REMEMBER, OBJECTS IN THE MIRROR ARE ACTUALLY BEHIND YOU.

On a Taiwanese shampoo –
USE REPEATEDLY FOR SEVERE DAMAGE.

On the bottle-top of a (UK) flavoured milk drink –
AFTER OPENING, KEEP UPRIGHT.

On a New Zealand insect spray –
THIS PRODUCT NOT TESTED ON ANIMALS.

In a US guide to setting up a new computer –
TO AVOID CONDENSATION FORMING, ALLOW THE BOXES TO WARM UP TO ROOM TEMPERATURE BEFORE OPENING. (Sensible, but the instruction was INSIDE the box.)

On a Japanese product used to relieve painful haemorrhoids –
LIE DOWN ON BED AND INSERT POSCOOL SLOWLY UP TO THE PROJECTED PORTION LIKE A SWORD-GUARD INTO ANAL DUCT. WHILE INSERTING POSCOOL FOR APPROXIMATELY 5 MINUTES, KEEP QUIET.

In some countries, on the bottom of Coke bottles –
OPEN OTHER END.

On a packet of Sunmaid raisins –
WHY NOT TRY TOSSING OVER YOUR FAVOURITE BREAKFAST CEREAL?

On a Sears hairdryer –
DO NOT USE WHILE SLEEPING.

On a bag of Fritos –
YOU COULD BE A WINNER! NO PURCHASE NECESSARY. DETAILS INSIDE.

On a bar of Dial soap –
DIRECTIONS – USE LIKE REGULAR SOAP.

On Tesco’s Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of the box) –
DO NOT TURN UPSIDE DOWN.

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding –
PRODUCT WILL BE HOT AFTER HEATING.

On a Korean kitchen knife –
WARNING KEEP OUT OF CHILDREN.

On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights –
FOR INDOOR OR OUTDOOR USE ONLY.

On a Japanese food processor –
NOT TO BE USED FOR THE OTHER USE.

On Sainsbury’s peanuts –
WARNING – CONTAINS NUTS.

On an American Airlines packet of nuts –
INSTRUCTIONS – OPEN PACKET, EAT NUTS.

On a Swedish chainsaw –
DO NOT ATTEMPT TO STOP CHAIN WITH YOUR HANDS.

On a child’s superman costume –
WEARING OF THIS GARMENT DOES NOT ENABLE YOU TO FLY.

On some frozen dinners –
SERVING SUGGESTION DEFROST.

On a hotel provided shower cap in a box –
FITS ONE HEAD.

On packaging for a Rowenta iron –
DO NOT IRON CLOTHES ON BODY.

On Boot’s “Children’s” cough medicine –
DO NOT DRIVE CAR OR OPERATE MACHINERY.

On Nytol sleep aid –
WARNING MAY CAUSE DROWSINESS.

On a Casio calculator –
ACCURACY NOT GUARANTEED.

On a Chrysler boot lock –
DO NOT LEAVE KEYS BEHIND.

On a Jensen car stereo –
WARNING: Loud music can cause deafness

On Jenkyl’s Children Multivitamins –
NOT SUITABLE FOR CHILDREN.

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